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  • Hannah Guy, LCSW

Letting Go to Gain Control

How many times have you been told to just "let it go."


Easier said than done. At least for someone like me.


Yes, I'm a therapist, but I am also a person who struggles with things. One of those things happens to be letting go. I like to have control! If you are one of these people too, you are in the right space my friend.


Letting go is so freaking hard. Especially when you feel so many emotions and feel out of control, why would you want to just "let go." To me, letting go means I've failed or have lost something.


I recently was talking to my own therapist and this topic came up. I came to realize by trying to control everything, I actually felt quite powerless. My emotions were being dictated by what other people were saying or doing. And I don't know about you, but I can't control what or how people treat me.


What I started to think about is how I can reframe the thoughts I have about controlling uncontrollable situations. Here is what I learned and hopefully you can learn something too:


  1. Accepting there are things in life no one can control.

  2. Realizing that although I can't control others, I can control myself and my response to things. (No, this does not mean you can "control" your emotions. But you can control your response to your emotions)

  3. Reframing my perspective of what letting go means. (letting go no longer means I'm a failure. It means I'm powerful enough to choose what to let in or out of my life).

  4. Being okay and compassionate with myself when I just can't let go sometimes

  5. Reaching out and receiving support from people I trust and have my back.


I do just want to say that these are just suggestions that won't necessarily work for everyone. This is also not a replacement for therapy, but just something to chew on. Also, sometimes when we are in the depth of a mental health crisis, we aren't able to feel like we have a choice in anything. If that's the case for you, I would recommend reaching out to a therapist.


Let me know your thoughts too. How do you handle situations where everything is out of control? What does letting go mean to you?



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